Returning to your house you feel more than a little guilty for not helping Tommy Tomkins. But what could you have done? You are merely Smelly Jenkins and his Enormous Fungal Growth; you are not a hero and never have been. You put the kettle on - a nice hot, tasty cup of tea will make you feel better.

You switch on the TV but the bleak news headlines do nothing to cheer you up: "Ninety-four die in a Scandinavian plane crash, more trouble in little China and the deadly ZARS disease claims hundreds more lives in what could be the start of a worldwide pandemic of the painful Zebra and Rat Syndrome."

Maybe you should have helped Tommy Tomkins? Put some goodness back into the world. You ponder the possibility of changing your mind...

But before you can do anything, an angry rhinoceros comes crashing through your backdoor.

"Great Galloping Guffs!" you cry out in surprise!

But bear in mind you not as surprised as you might have been because your next-door neighbour, a certain Mr Starch, had told you that he'd bought a fully-grown Asian One-horned Rhinoceros just last week. This purchase belied Mr Starch's usual reputation of generally being a very, very boring man - as proven by the fact that two of his favourite hobbies are lying on lino and looking at gravel. And to really spice things up he sometimes does them both at the same time. Purchasing the rhino was his attempt at being a more interesting person. You've got to be an interesting person if you own a rhino surely?

While you were busy recapping all this information to yourself, the rhino had been galloping straight towards you. Now you have no time to react as it smashes you into the wall, crushing your Enormous Fungal Growth, and you explode into nine-hundred and ninety-nine pieces. Give or take one. Probably take.

Such is the folly of trying to be a more interesting person. At least Mr Starch won't make that mistake again - he'll stick to his lino and gravel from now on.

Smelly Jenkins and his Enormous Fungal Growth has been wiped off the face of the earth. The moral of the story here is: don't be a coward!

Now go away and suck a bean.